Monday, June 30, 2008

A Biblical Bachelorette Party?!

As a co-matron of honor for my friend's wedding, I have the task along with the other co-matron of honor of planning a bachelorette party for her. This past Saturday I spent a handful of hours perusing aisle after aisle in every decor section you can imagine from every party store in a 30-mile radius. Needless to say, afterwards, my wallet was slightly lighter and my mind exhausted. But my spirit was also wounded in the process.

Some of the rites of passages in America's culture could probably be best summed up as "disrespectful." Bachelor/ette parties probably rank pretty high up on the crass meter. Nowadays, you'd be hard-pressed to find a "blushing bride." I was appalled to see all types of "games" where the bride-to-be is dared to flash her undies, kiss random guys, dole out her phone number and a lot worse than that. No wonder marriage isn't seen as being fun or even enjoyable when the bride-to-be embarks on her so-called "last night out." Or recently when I thumbed through a coworker's rehearsal dinner photos noticing that the poor guy had to literally wear a ball and chain all day. What kind of message are we sending to others?

But I also believe that the Christian woman who has remained chaste up until her wedding day certainly deserves some type of celebration. She's definitely earned it! I am still amazed at the level of "liberty" that some Christian gals engage in for their bachelorette parties. Sex in its biblical context is a very beautiful and sacred thing. I don't believe that it needs to be taboo or whispered about, but it still needs to be respected and revered. As I mentioned to my friend while planning the party, "just because it's a bachelorette party it doesn't mean you don't have to be holy." God's Word in 1 Peter 1:15-16 says, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

For some, this is a very hard pill to swallow that may dampen their idea of fun. That's what happens when you ask me to plan your party, ha! Anyways, as part of my own pre-wedding festivities, I had two special parties that had two very different concepts.

The first one was about a month before our wedding date and for lack of a better term it was called an "Intimacy" party. Basically it's a time to gather a small group of married women, of all ages, and even some of your female relatives (if you're comfortable with that) to discuss marriage, embarrassing moments on your honeymoon, different stages of marital life, and advice on everything in between. From my family my mom, sister, cousin, and aunt were present. Other women who were invited were old family friends and college friends. This was a unique time, because no one had ever heard of this idea or knew what to expect. We had laughs when they all arrived and swore a vow of secrecy to anything mentioned in my small living room. Cheesecake and coffee made for some easy ice-breaking in discussing private matters. It was so neat to hear hilarious mishaps on honeymoons and encouragement in not expecting perfection. It was very memorable to me, but I gotta say, I don't think the invitees will ever forget it either!

If in the future you opt to help plan something similar, make sure the party is held relatively close to the wedding date. This will help the bride-to-be's purity, knowing that very soon, it will be a reality. Also, keep in mind when planning whom to invite that depending on the guests' relationships to one another, the topics at hand may be awkward to discuss and transparency may also be compromised. Besides a vow of secrecy (insert pinky-swear here), the hostess will also need to make a point of no husband bashing allowed; really, there is no need.

The second one was a simple lingerie party held the weekend of our wedding. This was mostly with my bridesmaids and held at my parents' home on their back porch (at night; not in broad daylight!). It was sweet, innocent, and I blushed a little. Unlike one of my cousins, my mother did not buy me any lingerie for the honeymoon!

Both parties were fun, entertaining, relatively inexpensive since they were done at homes, and crassness was nowhere near to be found. Might I also add that as a guest to a bachelorette party, you also have the responsibility and discernment to know what activities are inappropriate for you or tempt you to compromise your values. I've driven all the way to Charleston before, only to leave apologetically and go to my sister's home instead. Ladies, it's not worth it. There is a lot at stake, mainly your witness to others around you as well as living righteously before the Lord. Think also of your husband or boyfriend and put yourself in their shoes.

To any ladies who have yet to be married, please take these thoughts into consideration. And for those who are married, seek to be a special blessing to a bride-to-be. Now more than ever, she will need encouragement to make it to her wedding day and be edified through Scripture.

Song of Songs 4:12, "You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain."


Mrs. Amy Brigham said...

Great post!

espicey said...

Hey Megan--I was just browsing through some of your posts and read this one. I can't say how much I agree:) I think many girls see the bachelorette party as a social pressure thing (they don't really want to do it, but think that it is expected). Thanks for sharing your thoughts!