Weeping may endure for the night, but Joy comes in the morning

In the last post, I announced my husband's new job; Yahoojah again! It feels so good to have something to scream happily about :) The cause for celebration is great, but the prayers behind it have been greater still.

Having announced his resignation on March 24th and his new job beginning August 18th, it's been roughly 5 months living life on a single income. Fortunately, with my husband's foresight and having moved into our condo with a greatly reduced monthly mortgage, what could have been a crisis was only a temporary time of financial hardship. I really hate to think about what could've happened had we stayed in our old house and then having to live on a single income. But God is good, and He helped us greatly.

He provided through several of our friends with dinner invitations and laughter: the Riccis, Lanes, Castles, Carnes, and Beth. He gave us food and fresh vegetables through the Dunns, Davises, and Dr. Wofford and Charles. We also received medical care at no cost from Dr. Wofford. Our families provided meals and times of fellowship. In short, we were never without food.

Psalm 37:24-25, "Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread."

More than anything though, we relied on prayer and trusting God's faithfulness and goodness to us. It really did my heart good to hear from friends and family that they were praying for us. And there were times when I didn't have it in me to pray myself, but I knew that others were praying for us as well as the Holy Spirit.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3, "Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Even though our physical needs were being met, and we still had a roof over our heads, there were times when emotionally, I just felt exhausted and neglected. "God where are you?" I can vividly recall the day when I sat in my car in the Kohl's parking lot and bawled. It was the first time after already a couple of months where I finally "let it go." I wish I could say that it was one of those prayer experiences that was one of humility and gentleness, but it was not. Instead, the prayer resembled psalms when David was raw before the Lord Almighty (Psalm 42:9-11, Psalm 44:23-24). I shouted that day at God too, very loudly, I might add. Shouting and crying and being alone by yourself paint a scary picture, so if you happened to see me in the Kohl's parking lot that day, sorry. I remember yelling distinct words: "GOD, I'M ANGRY AND I'M TIRED OF THIS! WHERE ARE YOU? WHY CAN'T YOU GIVE HIM A JOB? I'M DONE WITH IT!!!!"

Psalm 86:15, "But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."

The days grew into weeks, the weeks into months, and time marched on. I saw how difficult it was on him, but as a wife and a human, there's only so much you can do or say to help someone. And it's also challenging to remain positive and optimistic for someone when you also feel discouraged. All in all, I know that God gave us grace to remain kind to one another. I know for some couples, a lot of bad marital issues can arise when something like a job loss comes along. It was indeed a time of "stretching" for us financially, spiritually, and emotionally. But oddly enough, when trials come, a husband and wife can either distance themselves or cleave more strongly. Joyfully, our route was the latter and we came out refined.

Psalm 66:10, "For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver."

I am so grateful that this period lasted only a few months when unemployment can last years for some individuals. All praise to God for orchestrating everything, with the interviews, prayers, and provision. I think it's the uncertainty that wreaks the most havoc during times of testing. But if God had told me, "Hang on girl, you only have five months to endure....," I'm not sure it would've produced the fruit that I can already see from it: I grew closer to God in the process, my marriage grew stronger, I have a greater appreciation for my job/paycheck, and I tangibly saw our loved ones become the hands and feet of Christ. To put it simply, there is beauty in mystery. We need not be afraid of it, but only remember Who's already in control.

Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever."